2013=>2014

~its such a long time i din update my blog alrdy....today is duno how many days how many hours how many minutes how many second we been apart.....but all i wan to said is im still feel so sad,hurt and even guilty....i reli dunwan to forget u...i dunwan to hate u n i dunwan us to becum stranger....its such a long time i din heard ur voice scolding me...talkking wth me...this is more painful than die....im reli so blur now...i did not know hw to do...i wont take ur money...n i dun hv any money to celebrate cny tis year... this is first year i go thru cny like tis...... ~however,u get tgthr wth meeling was a reality....and tis reality can maintain how long...i reli duno....do u knw i hate those church ppl???y thy have to brainwash u until u gv up me....?Foo,i juz wan to said..no matter wat...i wont walk any step far away.. juz like the time i started to know u....i wont leave u...do u know when kelvin cum out n try to brainwash all of us...u are the one who save me bek....n tat time u reli be wth my side n support me....i duno y i din save u!y i dun realize abit early?maybe if i realize it n let u know..mayb i can tel u...or ask sumone to help bcz even i tell u..u will juz tink of the church ppl.....u reli help me too much in my life....other dun remember nvm...but i will remember it in the rest of life....as i said i will let my children know all bout it...tats is y i reli duno how to hate u....no matter wat they said....i wont hate u..i will wait the day v bek to fren..... ~in tis one month...i keep remind myself...all he do like tis perhaps is juz his plan to let me hurt all at once...he still care bout me...he still helping me...he do all tis is juz because he wan me to stand up n becum the real me....i do not know wat is the point...but every day i keep telling myself tis....i wont let him dissapointed....but u be with meeling is anthr stories...y u hv to lie me???u can juz tel me u alrdy hv anthr gf....u do not hv to tell me u wan to be alone.....when i find out..im relli shocked do u know???!!!!!i do not know wat u r doin nowadays....mayb u r heppily be wth her...mayb u juz go on ur life?? do u know how suffer i am everyday??im not brave enough to walk out to see the world...always u will help me to go thru every difficulties...y tis time u dunwan help me!!??WHY??i felt so stupid tat im the one who try so hard to make the relation btwn u n jason to be bek normal....but now im the one who destroy it myself...i alwiz tot tat y u wan gv othr to destroy our relation by urself????WHY?? ~everyday i juz hope there will be the day everything tat will be fine....i alwiz tell myself i dun care whthr can be wth u o not... i juz wan u dun leave me...help me in all the matters....i dun know wat u r thinking now..mayb u tink that im the evil..i dun even appreciate ur good deed to me...no its not....i will forever remember it...n pay u bek one day..i hope u wait me...i hope u dun hate me....and i hope u dun gv up me plz.......wtht u ....i reli duno hw to survive........ ~all ppl juz said the same.....if not bcz of kelvin all tis wont hapn until like tis...u also told me bout it??dont u remember??? i duno y u hv to blame me wth all the wrong....i tell myself nvm...bcz one day u will wake up n realize me again....you told me tat without me at shop u live more happily...i dun even know tat is truth or u juz wan me to gv up....but all i wan to tell u is..i dun heppi at all...i juz can keep on regret y tat time i muz argue wth u....y im so stupid....??????if i left on september tat time..mayb all wont becum like tis le....or u are planning to chasing me out from the start???everytime u wan to chase me out..i heard from ur mouth i do not wat to do..im realli hurt until i duno wer could i find a place to let all my tears go.... ~now alrdy 2014....but im still crying..all those memories...we have...can u reli juz leave it like tat??no matter wat it is...i will alwiz remember the first word u told me those time...u said no matter wat hpn in future 'im ur best worker'!! foo....i miss u